Sunday, August 14, 2011

Relationships: A Plane Crash Can Be A Life Saver!

Sometimes you see beauty in a run down old building and sometimes you are livid that the laminate is peeling off your shopping card. Some times the little things are a light mist. Other times they are an impassable asteroid field. Sometimes you love everyone. Sometimes you hate yourself.

We are in an ever changing world. It moves so quickly sometimes it's hard to keep up with. One day you have it all figured out. Right when you are comfortable, one change puts you into a nose dive straight down to earth and you scramble for the eject button. Scrambling around the cockpit, all you can think of is how did this happen?

We don't always find the eject button. Just like we don't always have a second chance with the people whose paths we cross in this life. Maybe you just burned a bridge that can never be rebuilt. You severed the last tie. Goodbyes are hard but I never want to see or talk to you again is much worse.

We can not always control the outcome of our relationships, intimate or not, but we can try to get out with the least amount of damage. Going down with the ship takes its tolls on you. Pain turns into agony. A lost friend turns into a lost group of friends. Heart break turns into death wishes.

On the bright side you don't always have to burn up in a big ball of glorious fire and explosions and you don't always have to watch it happening while you parachute to the ground. Sometimes you recover. That nose dive may give you just the momentum you need to pull right back into the swing of things. Only wisdom can tell you what the outcome will be. You have to crash a few planes before you know a lost cause from a gleam of hope.

This post is to every one who has burned a bridge with a friend, family member, or a lover. When you are at the scene of the crash everything looks grim, but what you learned on the way down is priceless. Next time the knowledge you gained will help you more than you know. Maybe you needed to fail now to turn around a lost cause later.

The Lovers Crash

In the case of an intimate relationship, "Plane Crashes" are a natural occurrence. The more you fall the more you see why things don't work out. You also start to see the qualities you don't mesh with. I know that every one of my relationships gets better every time and it is because every time I learn how I can be better and I learn about what type of person I don't really get along with. It is all about seeing things clearly and objectively. Relationships are a big, sucky process of elimination that we are all hooked on like a bunch of  needle shooting junkies. We are all chasing that next "high".

The romantic in me wants to relate relationships to a phoenix, we die in a ball of fire just to rise, anew, from the ashes. Still shaking off the ashes, we are back in the game. I love the game of finding a new love, but it is a hard game. You gotta expect to lose some battles and you have to know when to attract rather than pursue. Some times you need to be happy being you before you can be happy with some one else. That is the lesson I'm learning from my last crash. Relationships are not about being happy with someone. They are about being happy enough with yourself that you have plenty to share. Being a guy all I need is someone to ride shotgun with me. Someone to be along for the ride.

I have found that girls really want relationships to be structured like that. If the woman in your life doesn't feel like your taking her anywhere, the sparks you had are gonna die fast. Am I right ladies? So guys, do something with yourself. If you live for the next girl your going to be looking for the next girl more often than you would like.

I'm sorry that this seems one sided but here is my attempt at helping the single ladies out there. All of that playing hard to get stuff can be fun, but you have to give us something! If we are not getting the hint it's not shameful to help us out a little! Trust me! When a guy likes a girl, hints are over processed and all meaning is sucked out and/or disputed to the point of irrelevance. Make note of this!

All of this relationship talk has made me want to find a date. I must be on my way!

P.S.  All of you ladies out there, feel free to add some comments for a more feminine perspective on all of this!

Thanks :)


  1. I like that you said that guys need to be happy with themselves and have their own life other than chasing another girl. Some guys REALLY need to hear that. That said, some guys also need to be man enough to admit that they can't be the lone ranger forever. They need to navigate the fine line between having their own life and taking the girl along for the ride, and focusing super hard on their ambition and just expecting the girl to provide endless support without question. Guys need to realize that though we are different, men and women are EQUAL. That means 2 things: 1) if you want to date a girl who has her own dreams and goals, then get a few yourself; and 2) date a girl who has dreams and goals. Guys, if you're dating a girl who wants nothing more than to be exactly what you expect her to be - she's insecure and has low self-esteem! Girls want guys who are "take them somewhere," it's true, but they should also be working to take themselves somewhere. That way when her relationship planes crash, she'll be able to learn from them, too.

    In other words, what I'm trying to say is that your advice can actually work for everyone, Ben, guy or girl! :) We should all be able to find happiness within ourselves, and not expect relationships to "make" us happy.

  2. Hey Emily! Thanks for your insight! I really wanted to hear what the girls view of this would be. :)I'm also glad that my input my help some people. That Is really my goal.

    Thanks for reading!

  3. Definitely doesn't seem one sided! You are so insightful and I miss you!