Saturday, August 6, 2011

Holding On to An Idea

What does could be even mean? I have gone through my life thinking of what I could be. In many ways it has been dangerous. I would look inside myself and see my potential. I would see what I could be. It "could be" very real. I "could be" successful and well known. I "could be" someones best friend. I "could be" the love of someones life.

The thing is that I would project this image of my own potential, or the potential of a particular relationship or opportunity, and it would become so real to me. I would focus on it, but not in a healthy way. It's like I wanted to wake up one day and be "that guy".  I saw this future that was so unrealistic for one major reason.  I didn't want to work on myself to get there.

I have realized that I have this sense of entitlement, like I should be able to have this stuff or be with this girl. I'm a good guy right? Sure I am, but am I a fighter? No. I'm a coward. I don't fight for what I believe in. I sit back and let life happen. Then I wonder why it didn't happen the way I wanted. I'm huddled in the dark, not knowing how to get out. The only "thing" I have is this idea of what I think my life should be. I have no goals. I have no standards. I have no  idea how to get where I need to go. Not because I don't know what I need to do, but because something in my head is telling me "I'm already here".

I share this thought because it has opened my eyes to something important. I'm not unhappy with my life because I just got dumped or I don't make enough money. I'm not unhappy with my life because I've given up on so many things. I'm unhappy with my life because I'm living on an idea. I'm unhappy with my life because I'm not grounded in real things. I need real goals. I need real purpose. I need to stop thinking things will just happen.

Well everyone this world can be harsh and unforgiving, but we can make it beautiful. It's ok to have your head in the clouds as long as your feet are firmly planted on the ground. So don't stop dreaming. Stop thinking you should be there already. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't forget why you are doing something, but never forget you have to do something to get there.


  1. Ahh, you're a genius! This is very true and while it's easy to be hard on ourselves about mistakes or our past ideas (realistic or not)...remember this: You are very young to have figured this out now so be thankful for that!

    We all have times in our lives where we figure out what we're made of, decide if it's good enough, and if not change our course, but at your age, especially! It is SO SO hard but I read a quote recently that went something like this, "I love the light for it shows me the way, but I will love the darkness because it shows me the stars." Sometimes those dark times are needed so we can see what we are really aiming for and then appreciate that thing when we see it. Keep on keepin' on my friend!

  2. I really like that quote and trust me I don't have nearly as much figured out as it looks. :) Thanks for posting on my stuff genius may be shooting high but I will accept it. :)