Choices: The Good Ones Don't Come Easy!

What do you do every day? Wake up. Go through the motions. See your friends. Go to work. Exercise. Eat. Relax. Then one day something happens. Your world is flipped upside down. You find yourself in your room with the lights off sulking or maybe hiding from life by having way to much over compensating fun. We have all been there. Heart Break. Change. Suddenly we see the world in a different view.

What I have come to find is this is what makes life beautiful. Change. Sadness. Sorrow. Heartbreak. Disappointment. Sometimes we take it and say "This is how things must be, I can't change them". That is where the beauty comes in. We can change how things are! We are all the rulers of our own destiny!

Everyone has a comfort zone. Nothing really changes. You know what to expect. Then one day something happens. That little glass box you have been loafing in is shattered. Then a fork in the road forms right in front of you. A choice and it is an important one! You can choose to take the easy road or the hard road. The easy road means sulking time! Lets get down with the sadness. Boggy with it! (That is much to happy wording for sadness) This road is basically saying you win world. I'm just giving up on being happy right now. To be honest I have taken this road many times. It is never fun. Then there is the hard road. This road looks like its straight up a mountain, but this road means your taking control of your life rather than letting it happen to you. You have to do things you hate to do. You have to look on the bright side while it seems dark. You have to realize that unhappiness is a temporary gig and you don't have to take it.

I recently had this choice placed before me. So I know how it feels and may have some insight on the subject. What makes or breaks the hard road is vision. You have to be able to see what is at the end of that hard road to make it work. It is easy to feel defeated, but you have to push through it. You have to make that right choice. What making the right choice does for you is simple. It puts you in a place where you can grow and change. A place where you can expand your comfort zone, and a place where you become who you are.

So you can take the hard road or the easy road. The thing is if you take the easy road now you will end up on the hard road later. I'd rather take the hard road. Don't for get that the hard road is, well.... HARD! Some days you will want to quit and punch a wall or scream at the top of your lungs or clean your entire house at 4 in the morning! It's OK! Just remember why your doing it. Also cleaning your house might be a good thing!

So let's conquer this life! I know it has kicked me around for awhile! So I'm going to stop putting things off and stop letting things get me down. It's time to turn a new leaf. Who is with me!?

Holding On to An Idea

What does could be even mean? I have gone through my life thinking of what I could be. In many ways it has been dangerous. I would look inside myself and see my potential. I would see what I could be. It "could be" very real. I "could be" successful and well known. I "could be" someones best friend. I "could be" the love of someones life.

The thing is that I would project this image of my own potential, or the potential of a particular relationship or opportunity, and it would become so real to me. I would focus on it, but not in a healthy way. It's like I wanted to wake up one day and be "that guy".  I saw this future that was so unrealistic for one major reason.  I didn't want to work on myself to get there.

I have realized that I have this sense of entitlement, like I should be able to have this stuff or be with this girl. I'm a good guy right? Sure I am, but am I a fighter? No. I'm a coward. I don't fight for what I believe in. I sit back and let life happen. Then I wonder why it didn't happen the way I wanted. I'm huddled in the dark, not knowing how to get out. The only "thing" I have is this idea of what I think my life should be. I have no goals. I have no standards. I have no  idea how to get where I need to go. Not because I don't know what I need to do, but because something in my head is telling me "I'm already here".

I share this thought because it has opened my eyes to something important. I'm not unhappy with my life because I just got dumped or I don't make enough money. I'm not unhappy with my life because I've given up on so many things. I'm unhappy with my life because I'm living on an idea. I'm unhappy with my life because I'm not grounded in real things. I need real goals. I need real purpose. I need to stop thinking things will just happen.

Well everyone this world can be harsh and unforgiving, but we can make it beautiful. It's ok to have your head in the clouds as long as your feet are firmly planted on the ground. So don't stop dreaming. Stop thinking you should be there already. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't forget why you are doing something, but never forget you have to do something to get there.

A Skeleton in the Closet

My life....wow, my life! It has been a bumpy road lately. Lots of ups and downs. Recently more downs. Hmm where to begin. Well I had let myself go. I wasn't living up to my own  standards. I was living a life and becoming a person I did not want to be. In turn it was hurting the people around me and hurting me a lot! So I moved away from Utah and back home to Illinois, getting away from all of it.

 I was trying to make things better. Things did get better for the people back in Utah, but not for me. I was suddenly starved for the good things about Utah that I missed. All of the dark times nearly forgotten. The problem was I wasn't better at all. I was still not living up to my own standards. In Illinois, I had no friends at all. None. That's no exaggeration. I missed everyone in Utah so much! I sank into a depression. It was all pity parties and feeling sorry for myself. Not a good time at all. I spent most nights crying. I worked sun up to sundown. Then at night I worked more. All I could think of was Utah.

Then one day I snapped. All that working had been on my own business. I was almost ready to launch it. So much money and support was put behind me. That day I got in my car and left behind the biggest opportunity ever presented to me. I burned bridges with my family. The crazy thing is I thought it was the right thing to do. I told myself it was just going to be a few days. Then I would come back!

That is not what happened at all. I got to Utah. My parents were already pretty mad. They, in their anger, had disowned me. The friend who I came back for, Who is a girl if you haven't guessed, welcomed me with opened arms, but something wasn't right.

We had made a deal. I went home for a reason. Even though she missed me, our relationship couldn't last on that alone. Things started to die. "I love you" turned into "I can't do this anymore". I braced for the end, but in my desperation, I felt like she was all I had. I held on.

So here we are. After all this living out a normal day is hard. Every so often I call my friend only to find that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm blocked from her life. I'm a memory. A skeleton in the closet. Now that I look back on what I did, I see that I made the wrong choice. I should have continued to work on my business. At this point I would have had much success. I'd be debt free and on my way to a better life.

Now I face the trial of putting this behind me. Everything I see reminds me of her. How can I beat this? Some words of wisdom come to mind. A good friend told me she always tells herself "ok, you can do this. You have done hard things before". Also I'm trying to depend more on God. I have to let him heal me. Some things are hard to let go, but I have to walk this hard road now. I have to overcome against all odds.

I have no other choice. I wont go down as a skeleton in her closet.