Living What You Love

What do you love to do? Every one has something that inspires them and invigorates their creativity. Really! What is "that thing" that you love? Look inside yourself and find it. Really look! It is there! I have finally found what drives me. What I love to do. Simply put, it enriches my life. On the flip side neglecting it made me feel empty.

We all know how it feels to wake up and wonder "what will I do today?", then we think "wow. My life is drab. I literally have nothing to do." You feel as if something is missing from your life. There is a hunger somewhere inside of you but you can't quite place it. Sometimes it is so starved we forget about it.

We have good reason to feel starved. That is the feeling of you neglecting yourself. We think for whatever reason that we can't do what we love. We tell ourselves things like, "people wont think I'm any good." or " I don't have time." That is not true at all.

People look up to someone who does what they love. It's inspiring. When you have that kind of passion behind what you are doing it does not go unnoticed! Sure you might not be the best. Maybe some people say your no good, but really what does it matter? I am someone who has let myself be affected by words. People would say well your OK...but it's not like you could be a professional or something. To me this hurt more than people who said I just plain sucked!
Recently I have found that I was listening to the people around me too much when it came to my dreams. They are MY dreams. They should come from me! I had become what people wanted me to be and it was killing me. I was a boring robot. I had little to no traces of life, but I didn't just have to overcome the people around me. I had to overcome myself!

We all have fears. We have things we tell ourselves about the things we do. I had let this self defeatist in me win out many times. Recently I have found the best way that I can beat it. It is so simple that it was overlooked. Focus on what you want to do, not the fear, then just do it. Take it on faith.

Personally I'm tired of ignoring what I love. Everyone else can live for other people, but not me! I'm going to live for my dreams. I'm going to do what I love to do and I'm not going to care what people think. What is the point of life if we don't do what makes us come alive! I invite every one to take some time and think about what they love to do. Then take the steps to start doing it today! It will change your life.

I'm Ben Duncan and I'm a writer.

A Skeleton in the Closet

My life....wow, my life! It has been a bumpy road lately. Lots of ups and downs. Recently more downs. Hmm where to begin. Well I had let myself go. I wasn't living up to my own  standards. I was living a life and becoming a person I did not want to be. In turn it was hurting the people around me and hurting me a lot! So I moved away from Utah and back home to Illinois, getting away from all of it.

 I was trying to make things better. Things did get better for the people back in Utah, but not for me. I was suddenly starved for the good things about Utah that I missed. All of the dark times nearly forgotten. The problem was I wasn't better at all. I was still not living up to my own standards. In Illinois, I had no friends at all. None. That's no exaggeration. I missed everyone in Utah so much! I sank into a depression. It was all pity parties and feeling sorry for myself. Not a good time at all. I spent most nights crying. I worked sun up to sundown. Then at night I worked more. All I could think of was Utah.

Then one day I snapped. All that working had been on my own business. I was almost ready to launch it. So much money and support was put behind me. That day I got in my car and left behind the biggest opportunity ever presented to me. I burned bridges with my family. The crazy thing is I thought it was the right thing to do. I told myself it was just going to be a few days. Then I would come back!

That is not what happened at all. I got to Utah. My parents were already pretty mad. They, in their anger, had disowned me. The friend who I came back for, Who is a girl if you haven't guessed, welcomed me with opened arms, but something wasn't right.

We had made a deal. I went home for a reason. Even though she missed me, our relationship couldn't last on that alone. Things started to die. "I love you" turned into "I can't do this anymore". I braced for the end, but in my desperation, I felt like she was all I had. I held on.

So here we are. After all this living out a normal day is hard. Every so often I call my friend only to find that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm blocked from her life. I'm a memory. A skeleton in the closet. Now that I look back on what I did, I see that I made the wrong choice. I should have continued to work on my business. At this point I would have had much success. I'd be debt free and on my way to a better life.

Now I face the trial of putting this behind me. Everything I see reminds me of her. How can I beat this? Some words of wisdom come to mind. A good friend told me she always tells herself "ok, you can do this. You have done hard things before". Also I'm trying to depend more on God. I have to let him heal me. Some things are hard to let go, but I have to walk this hard road now. I have to overcome against all odds.

I have no other choice. I wont go down as a skeleton in her closet.